Do we ignore violence against kids?
65
Sunday 20 June, 2010
Last week in London I witnessed a middle aged mother slap her toddler viciously hard on the legs when I was on the underground train.
The mother looked in her 40s and wasn’t what the press like to call
‘An unfit teen-mum’, the tabloids love a good story about a teenage girl neglecting her babies. This woman was well dressed, middle class and very angry.
The small boy was about 4 years old, he had clambered over people’s feet to get onto the train and was fretful, crying and looked tired. The mother had a briefcase and some shopping with her. “Mummy” he whinged and begged to be lifted onto her knee. She brushed him off and made him stand on the crowded train and she flicked through some paper work.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Other people on the train were busy with newspapers or IPods in their ears. I watched the small boys eyes droop heavily; he then pushed the papers out of his mum’s hand and tried to cuddle her. She grabbed his arm, turned him round and slapped his leg really loudly and with incredible angry force. The child’s face froze, he threw his head back, gasped and let out a ferocious ear splitting whistle of a screech.
The mother tugged his arm and pushed him away from her as he let rip the shock and pain. People continued staring at shoes, newspapers and into the windows of the trains. The mother looked up briefly to see if anyone was watching. She saw me staring at her. She looked down at her papers and the wee boy was screaming and rubbing his leg.
“Excuse me, yes, you” I spoke loudly at the woman. Everyone beside me shuffled and looked uncomfortable. The woman didn’t look up; the boy sniffled and looked at me.
“Stop hitting your child like that or I will call the police” I added.
She ignored me again. I leaned over, and said “I am speaking to you lady, stop attacking your son like that”
“Its none of your bloody business” she shouted at me.
People were now whispering and staring. The small boy had calmed down but had a red welt on his legs.
“It is my business, its everybody’s business when we see a child being beaten on a train” I spoke louder.
She gathered up her bags, dragged her son and got off at the next stop.
I did report her to the London Transport Police, I described her and God knows what they will do, but it was my business and I don’t care how embarrassing it was to speak out.
I know that most members of the public would not stand by and watch a man beat his wife in public, or at least I hope they wouldn’t. I know people who would intervene if a dog was being punched in the street, but folk are pretty odd when it comes to getting involved with a parent smacking their child.
The overall opinion is ‘the mother must know what’s best’ and that isn’t always true is it?
The other over riding issue was the mother was very well dressed and didn’t fit the public’s persona of an ‘unfit’ mother, so people on the train judged her less harshly. She is a business woman; she must know what she was doing, right?
The tabloid press leads us to believe that only working class single mothers abuse their children, which is an unfair label.
That stereotype was torn to pieces, when the middle class McCann’s left their three toddlers alone in a Portuguese holiday flat to go have dinner with friends, which resulted in their daughter Maddy being abducted, being middle class and well educated doesn’t mean you will treat your kids with care. Having a good clean home and clear pronunciation of the English language doesn’t mean you should be judged less harshly when it comes to child neglect.
We all know that if a single mum left her babies alone in a caravan to go get a burger and a beer and came back to discover one of the kids missing, she wouldn’t get a Papal visit or a million pound charity set up to find her beautiful baby girl, the mother would be publicly harangued for her careless, useless neglectful behaviour.
We all need to question when it is time to step in and intervene when we see cruel or neglectful behaviour towards children. We all hear about social workers, teachers, and care workers ignoring the signs of a child in danger after the poor kid has been beaten to death by its own parents.
I don’t think the woman on the train will stop beating her child because I shouted at her, but if we all shout at her every time she attacks her son and we all call the police when we witness it, then maybe it will help?
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Totally agree with you, I was smacked when I was wee but never often, and only when I had been actually bad.......I admire you so much for speaking out. ..... I hope I will do the same if I see it.
g x
Good piece Janey - props to you for speaking out. Even if we know we will be met with abuse, we all must stand up to "parents" like this!
I would have just slapped her and told her each time i saw her slapping her kid I would do the same back to her!
If only everyone had the humanity you have shown in your writing the world would be a better place, there are a few things that come into what happened, firstly the 'Ostritch Syndrome' ie bury your head in the sand (newspaper) and dont get involved and yes, the other where we judge people by there class and therefor think that abuse only happens on council estates...DUH WRONG! No one likes loud noisy badly behaved children but what you have just described is a child looking for the soothing comfort of a Mothers arms in a frenetic strange environment and she categorically rejected him. I have had to be held back by my husband when I have seen similiar, and worse things happen in public, I would happily deck them, like....pick on me Im your size so its fair Eh? I worked as a nurse with children on the ' At Risk' Register and believe me it beggars belief what parents can do to their own children. I am happy to read that there are still decent brave people who will stand up to these bully's, and make no mistake BULLY'S and COWARDS are what they are, and I hope the police did take action on that particular middle class bully but I'm afraid Im not convinced they would, sadly we do not hold our little people in high regard in this country. Whoever came up with ' children should be seen and not heard' should have been shot at dawn.
Kudos to you Janey for speaking up.
I worked in Italy for 6 months last year and was amazed at the difference in attitudes towards children.
Janey I taught some years ago when it was legal to strike someone else"s child with a length of leather and I've seen children being belted by a responsible adult for being bullying towards another child. What a distorted message. I'm surprised by comments saying that striking the woman would have been appropriate.
Violence is wrong! Thankyou for speaking out on belalf of the vulnerable and those without a voice. Yours is clear, balanced and necessary.
I think you did the right thing... Why couldnt she put the boy on her knee while she read... I remember my girls were always on my knee while I would be sitting at the table with friends and talking and when they got sick of it would get down...I actually enjoyed that they liked to sit on my lap and stay close .. They are only small once and you only have one time in their lives to show them how mommies are right there all the time for them...
A child trying to show love and affection gets a whack for it. This in turn leads to a confused adult not knowing how to deal with their emotions. Let's be totally clear folks, EVERY action you make as a parent influences your children. Disgusting behaviour, and well done Janey.
Janey - you were quite right about what you did on the train. I stopped a boy spraying something on a public schoolgirls face a couple of years ago and somebody I work with who was on the train told me the following day that I couldn’t 't stop being a teacher even when I wasn't working (she spoke in a derisory manner).
Thank you for making me think about this topic today of all days. The way parents treat children can be cruel and unkind. They need to ask themselves just what is unconditional love.
To hit a child is just wrong... I was never spanked as a child and I never had to spank my child...I was happy that I had such a beautiful little girl... Yes she would do things wrong and I had a rug that she sat on when she was bad but I didn’t leave her on it forever.
I'm not sure that I wouldn't have been one of the folk staring at their shoes but, having read your piece, I now think (and will act) differently.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone belts their children. People that condone it or maintain the ostrich approach lent themselves down as well as the kids. Shame on them. I am a big fan of the Marie Montessori approach, encourage the children and be positive. Both of my boys have been brought up that way and I am thankful.
I believe that people should be more involved when they see any sort of negative interaction between individuals, whether it be a man & his wife, a parent and their child, a child & their parent (elder abuse is on the rise as well), etc. etc.
I have seen news articles on the telly that have shown teens beating on other teens and people just stand around and gawk.. then there are the stories about security guards standing around and watching people beating on other people and not doing a thing about it claiming it is not their "job" and what about people walking by while a man is being stabbed and then not calling the police or anything and others just walking by as the man is bleeding to death.. NOBODY WANTS TO GET INVOLVED ANYMORE....
Kudos for speaking out! Wish more people would!
I applaud you Janey for using your common sense along with your voice and saying what everyone on that train was thinking but who have lost a semblance of humanity as they bury themselves in their books, on their cell phones, or listening to their music. When did we stop caring?? I must say I would have done the exact same thing. Would it stop that woman from doing it again? I am sure not. But perhaps somewhere in that wee boy's head, he may remember that there is kindness in this world and you may have left a remarkable impression on him, better than the impression left on his leg.
WOW. You are amazing! that was so cool what you did! i want to go on a train and be a hero now : hehe. good job on your part though, i hope that kid wont grow up to be an abuser
children are not listened to.. had to stop a guy in france from hitting a(approx)7 year old.. his arm was all the way back preparatory to the envisaged blow... having been beaten up by my parents when six months old, I know how this feels.. nobody listened to me when I said I didn't want to go with my mother on her later visits to my foster home.. 'nuff said!
Richard Raanes 23 months ago
Good on you Janey!
I would not have been as polite as you.
I'd simply would have gone up and slapped the bitch in the face. Some people think that sort of behaviour is o.k. But like yourself & I, we don't put up with it. It's just plain wrong. If she had an angry/hell of a day at work, why take it out on the child?
R,
xxx